Attack of the Mush: Pretentions

For almost two and a half months, I pretended. I pretended that I was ok. I lied my ass off trying to believe that the I was over you. I wanted the lie to become an eventual reality. But tonight, when I saw the pics of him with your family, with your mom and daughter, I nearly cried. My heart sank and I realized I wasn't over you. How could I when every fiber in my being still longs to be loved. Not specifically by you, but by someone. I wanted something similar to what we had. The seemingly near perfect relationship that I've always wanted.

I remain steadfast on the hope that I can find whoever it is, is worth the wait. But I grow tired too.

I always believed that I'm a great guy. But I'm not. I break hearts too. And my still semi-broken heart still needs mending. But who'd be willing?

Every so often we stumble upon a chance, an opportunity too feel great... to feel happy. Yes, happiness is a choice but to get there is hard work. I simply want to love another and be loved in return. I am the true bohemian lover. I feel my best when I love. I wish it were that simple to find him. If only...

But it isn't.

It never was. Never will be.

So dear God if you're listening, if you still care for me even one tiny bit, please, please, please let him find me. And I promise, I will do better this time.

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo